Possible Ending of a Chapter

Life and Chapters.....Beginnings and Endings

When thinking of books, I always think of the beginning, how it captures me and draws me in or not, the middle where if initially drawn in will it hold me or will I be ok putting it down and moving on and then there's the end....it can either leave you feeling like "Wow, that was a great book and I would read that one again!"  or the "Eh, not so much, it was just ok and I could do without ever having to read it again." and then there's the "It should not have ended like that and then it leaves you in suspense with no answers and no real ending."

When I think of MOPS in the same way that I would think of books, these are some of the things to come to mind for me.  Let me indulge you for a bit if I may.  Mothers of Preschoolers has been somewhat of several chapters in my life.  It is like a book that I have been in, played small parts, medium sized pars and carried around for the past 6 years.  I remember the very first time I was invited to attend one of these groups, my sister-n-law had asked me to try it. Kara was just a small baby at the time and  I remember I declined, because for years I have not functioned well in large settings with multiple women.  I could not tell you why, I just never could make it work.     

Well as time passed, a friend of the family Kim Lee invited me to attend a MOPS here in town at Colonial Hills Baptist Church.  I declined on several occasions till finally she had me convinced to at least try it 1 time.  Kara was now a little over a year old and after feeling like I was wanting to pull my hair out since Chads job kept him away almost 95% of the time, I decided it might be in Kara's best interest if I gave this thing a shot.  She mentioned that there would be breakfast every morning, that we got to eat and fellowship together.  I was sold at breakfast really, as I have a horrible food addiction.

 My very first meeting, I was a nervous wreck.  One I had not been in a setting like this in years and two I had a small child in the child care part.  I remember looking up and walking into the room was a girl that knew a lot of my family at the time and I thought to myself, "Why in the world did she have to be in my group, I mean really"  Then to intensify the situation, she was even sat at the very same table as me, seriously this could not have gotten any worse.   

My beautifully amazing Mother

I remember leaving there, calling my mother and just sobbing on the telephone how I just knew this was not meant to work for me.  You would have to know that at the time, this was  a crucial point in our family.  My mom listened, I think she cried with me if I remember correctly (she felt bad that I was so upset), and then she said this "Krista what if this is meant to be, what if she was meant to be at your table because you two are meant to be friends?", she also said "Don't give up on it before you really even get started."  I can't thank her enough for that encouragement that day, because it was the only thing that kept me going back. 

Angie and I

The year turned out to be great and when about 2 1/2 months were left in the year, I  discovered that I was pregnant.  I was so excited, I remember telling this girl that I had sure enough become friends with at the time that I was pregnant.  I asked her not to tell because I wanted to share it by taking candy off the preggie tray they pass around at the end of the year.  So Angie did just as I asked and kept it hush hush.  Well it came time in May to end our year with Tea and Testimony.  I remember I was so excited that I was going to get to share my news with a group of women that I had actually become friends with.  However, as this chapter in my life began to change for great moments of joy, it quickly turned into a large chapter of sadness.  The morning of the last meeting I woke up with spotting, I called the doctor and they said to go on about my day that I was probably just getting some type of urinary tract infection and that they would see me that afternoon for a sonogram.  At this point in time I was almost 12 weeks along and feeling great.  So I told Chad that morning what was going on and he encouraged me to do the same, to go to MOPS and then just see the doctor that afternoon and call him to let him know what they said because he was out of town at work. 

Friends I made it to the meeting, I felt ok, but knew deep within me that something was not right.  So I told my friend when I got there what was going on and that I was concerned.  She encouraged me that it would probably be fine as well.  I didn't so much as start eating my breakfast that I felt very, very sick to my stomach.  I did what I could to make it through the breakfast and all the way to the preggie tray part.  As they passed it around I just felt like I shouldn't take anything from the tray, I remember my friend just looking at me very puzzled.  I told her after that it just didn't feel right to take it right now, that I wanted to wait to see what was going on.  Not moments after that I went to the restroom only to realize that I was fully miscarrying, and had horrible contraction pains in my stomach.  I remember I came out very calmly and told my friend that I had to leave to go to the hospital.  She looked so surprised and told me to call her as soon as I knew something.  Do you know that she told me later that evening when sure enough I had started to miscarry that they stopped the whole meeting for a moment to pray for me.  All these women, some at the time that didn't even know me, they prayed for me. I remember weeping for the great sadness I had over losing our child and for the simple fact that these beautiful women had thought enough of me to pray for my family.  

It was like getting to the next chapter, although I had sadness and brokenness tied to this group and place, their love kept me coming back.  The next year was absolutely wonderful, my friends relationship grew with Angie, Kara was getting to be so much fun and my spiritual life was really starting to grow.  I was in this book for sure, for however long it would keep me.  The next year was a bit tougher as I had an issue with someone who hurt me greatly over losing our baby and what they felt was God's plan for me.  It was so hard for me that year that I almost did not come back.  However, the suspense of the relationships there kept me coming back for more.  


At the end of my Third year in MOPS I learned that I was pregnant once again and this time, it was all good.  I ended up having Caden 3 months into my 4th year of MOPS.  These great women brought meals to me at home to help, they loved on my darling little boy and just served my family.  This group had become a ministry to many ladies, it was so wonderful.  I finished out the year great and went into the summer, with a new and very busy life.  

The beginning of the fifth year started out a little harder for me, I was overwhelmed with a 5 almost 6 year old, and an almost 2 year old fussy/ornery toddler.  I was still parenting a lot without Chad, because his job takes a lot of his presence.  He is such a wonderful hard worker and I am beyond so proud of him.  It's not easy for a Daddy to be away from their wife and babies you know.

This was also a time that I was in heavy conversation with God about changing me.  Using me  how he saw fit and to please transform my life and my relationships.  That year I started losing my dear friendship with Angie, although it was only for a season that we were very close I was greatly enriched in life because of the love in our friendship that we once shared so deeply. I became very alone, Very overwhelmed and felt like I was drowning in life.  What I didn't know though till close to the middle of my fifth year in MOPS was that God was doing just as I asked.  Through all that took place in that year and a half, I was brought to a point that God drew me into a very deep relationship with him.  When I had nothing else tying up my emotions and time, all I had to rely on was my conversation with him.  Our relationship blossomed like a beautiful hydrangea.

I was doing and am continuing to live as his scriptures direct me.

Jeremiah 29:13 says  "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." 
I have found him and I don't mean like I never knew of him, but I never really knew him.  What an amazing relationship it is becoming as time goes on.  To seek him and finally know him is not overshadowed by anything else anymore. 

So at the end of my fifth year and much heartache and growth that was had by me, I was certain I was at the end of this chapter in life with MOPS.  So I told my mentor mom the last meeting that I would not be returning unless it was God's Divine Plan that I come back.  I told her that if I was meant to come back that I would win getting my registration fee paid for and at that very moment, they pulled my ticket out of the raffle that was for registration dues to be paid for the next year and Blasted I won! The deal was done, God answered and I returned. 

So begins my sixth year attending this group and it's a good thing I got that ticket, it was one of the best years yet.  I have seen a lot of women come and go, shed tears with several, grew friendships and lost friendships, ate great breakfasts for sure and been blessed by many.  I am still super busy in life and just this year you know God added homeschooling to my agenda.  So although I would like to say that I am certain that this is the final Chapter in my book called MOPS, I won't say for 100% certainty that I will no longer return.   I am no longer one to say yes or no to something unless directed to do either one.  Especially now that I am living in full obedience to the Lord, because he really calls the shots.  So as I am quite possibly at the end of this chapter in my life, I will leave it as it is in suspense and just wait for time to tell the real ending.  I am excited to see how this one will continue to play out, because although there have been lots of ups and downs tied to this relatively large part of my life;  What in life doesn't have that when there is growth to be had??!!  Stay tuned for the outcome of this one in August.  Now just to make sure that we don't end this evening with any kind of sadness, let's share in a moment of laughter shall we........ENJOY!!

Kids don't try this at home.  :)

Weighing In

Hello, Hello!  How captivating is this picture above?  How many times do we step on one?  How many times do we wish that it said something that was smaller than what was blinking back at us?  What about yo-yo dieting in order to get to a point where we think the number looks good?  Who set that number in place anyways?  Is there a particular person that designed a standard that we have to live by in order to be called "Healthy"?

I can tell you friends, according to what the standards say, I should weigh no more than 120 to 125 pounds.  As of right now I am not ashamed to say that I am probably close to 20 pounds "overweight", according to their charts.  Not to mention all the cellulite I'm sure that is a big no no. What's in a number really anyways?  I have been talking to God about helping me, not with the scale,not with helping me lose weight, but show me who I'm supposed to be according to His standards alone.

If we take a few steps back and look at how weight comes in to play you can see that from the time of birth one of the very first things that they do is weigh us.  They gauge how healthy that we are by how much we weigh.  I remember being excited that my babies weighed over 7 pounds, I equated that to meaning I did a good job eating right enough to help them grow.  Isn't that one of the first things that people want to know?  How much did your baby weigh and how long was he/she?  It's like bragging rights if you will.


Then as we begin to grow and go to the doctors for a check up the first thing they do is weigh us.  As a kid it's exciting to get on that really neat thing they call their scale, most of them have a smiley face pasted to the front of it.  Then when they get off they're so pumped to hear the nurse say "Wow you're so big, you're already 45 pounds" or whatever the great number will be.  Then as moms, don't we encourage that usually with a great deal of excitement for them.  Even as we get older we get weighed as soon as we go to the doctors.  Except now with a large eye roll, we're begging to be able to take off our tennis shoes, go pee first and we make sure to wear light weight clothing.  Now I know that of course they need to know our weight in order to gauge a correct amount of dosage of medications, that is obviously going to be a given, right.  However, I could do without a mention of how much I gained or lost, the cycle just seems vicious!  If you are anything like me, you've also weighed yourself in a manner where you put more weight on the backside, hoping for a smaller number.  ;) 

So at what point does it change for us?  Where we go from being weighed to measure our growth, to weighing and placing our self worth by what the numbers on the scale read back.  Is it something that is instilled within us from the time of birth because it's something usually bragged upon.   Is it all the peer pressure as young adolescents?  Is it pressure from society?  The other night I was talking with God about how I can come to a place where I don't do that anymore. You seev I have been seeking answers to all these questions and I swear to you it was not 5 minutes after I got done praying that I felt the urge to check Facebook and a friend from high school had posted the following on her page.

“Get Off The Scale! - You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

HOLY MACKREL!!!!  He answered my prayers right then and there, with a simple yet so large of a post from an ol' time friend.  Did you notice the end there...The Truth...and Being Free.  This is huge people, what he is teaching us in life is the Truth when we seek it and a relationship with him, it will set us Free.  A Beautiful scripture that he has given to me on several occasions these past few weeks has been the following:

1 Corinthians 3:16

Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

The standard that we should all go by is that of God's.  We are a temple that the spirit of God dwells in.  We are to cherish it, take care of it, nurture it and feed it not only good food, but good spiritual food as well.  I don't believe anymore that my sense of worth comes from a number on the scale, I am being taught to believe that my worth is held in my creator.  He knew before I came into existence what that dreaded machine would read back to me and he knew that I would one day seek the Truth that would free me from the bondage of those digits.  I don't think that he said in order for me to be a Temple for him I had to weigh 125 pounds or I wouldn't qualify.  Something great he does want from us is complete obedience in all things.  If you feel something telling you to stop eating so much, not to drink of that, go for a walk today, see if you can run just a few minutes.....Do it, be obedient.  God can also be the greatest trainer out there and you want to know something wonderful about that......he's FREE!

I want to end today with re-iterating to you who choose to read this today or tonight, that you are beautiful.  That you are perfectly and wonderfully made in his image.  That deep within that outer shell you've been given for your time here lies an individual of courage, depth, sincerity and love.  You are not alone in this journey whether it be in seeking a solution for mastering the scale or trying to journey through this crazy wild thing we call life.  So put on your armor and put on your running shoes, it will be the very best race of your life.  Seek God, Seek your ultimate trainer, Seek The Truth and Be Free, the rest will come. 

The Past

Well hello there and good evening friends.  It has been some time now that I have been asked to blog, not only by people I know but by God.  I have been feeling the need to write on something in particular, but didn't have the words exactly that I was to share.  However, if you have a few minutes, they seem to be flooding my mind and I would love to set them free.

As most of you know I am a firm believer in moving forward.  However, there seems to be some things in life from my past namely that as I am learning love to peak its nastiness into my head.  This particular blog is on the past and what it does to us as people and believers.  You see, for a long time I didn't realize that God really desired a relationship with me, I completely had it all confused.  I thought man, all this "stuff" that I'm supposed to be doing or am not doing right, surely can't be pleasing to God and therefore it felt as if this life we call being Christians was something with my Heavenly Father that was completely unattainable.  With that being said let's go back just for a little bit, into what I call "My Past".

I grew up knowing deep within me, that I was born for greatness and I don't mean being famous or anything, but I knew deep down that God had something amazing planned for me.  However, when I got to some crooked point of being confused about what kind of deal this was with God, somewhere along the path to my greatness I lost my way.  I truly got wayward when I was about 17 and at the ripe age of 18 I decided that full on rebellion was the best way to go.  Seriously most of us see that number as a significant turning point in our lives....true adulthood if you will.  Being that I "knew" everything, this new way of life seemed a lot more fun at the time, than doing what I thought was right and good.  What really could be the consequences of having so much fun, I couldn't seem to find any.  Let's not mention that obviously our brains aren't fully developed at this age, I'm true testimony to that.  I won't go into grave detail about all the heinous and horrible decisions that I made, but let's delve on just one shall we.

Not everybody thinks the same at 18, but a lot of people think that this number signifies independence and entering into adulthood, so now you can do anything you want at this point.  I thought that anyways, so let me tell you what I did that day, I bought a pack of cigarettes and a lottery ticket.  I was big stuff right, well it's obvious now that I was just senseless.  Wasn't long after that I made another decision I thought was the coolest one EVER!  I got a.....yep that's right a tattoo.  Now before I go any further, let me remind you, I was in a sheer state of rebellion and my brain also was not fully developed ok.  You see the original tattoo there was a dolphin and a name of an individual.  I thought yep, this is the life, I will love my new tattoo forever.  Then guess what happened, I didn't love the name anymore so I had to get it covered up.  Seriously, I was covering up a past mistake with another new mistake.  I never thought truly that one day, I would no longer want this ridiculously "cool" artwork on my body anymore.  I also never thought how when my life would turn back around into what it was originally supposed to be like, how this one place of ink would haunt me on a daily basis.  How in the world did all this make sense to me at the time I have no idea now.  I justified my ridiculous decisions to most all, but especially to my parents.

This tattoo was/is on the inside of my ankle and I thought that this was an inconspicuous place to put it originally.  Not a lot of people would see it there you know and I could cover it anytime if I wanted to.  Yet it never failed that almost every single day, somebody or some child asked me what it was.  When did I get it?  Why did I get it?  Do I love dolphins?  Why did I choose that one thing in particular?  Did it hurt?  When I gave my life over to God and I mean really gave it over to him, this piece of ink has taunted me everyday.  I had not liked it anymore, but when things changed for me, this was like I carried around my shame for everybody to see.  There it was right on my leg, I was marked, my rebellion and sin was tagged for people to see and question me on.  Don't get me wrong, people didn't ask me about it because they wanted to throw my past in my face, it was always just innocent conversation or trying to get to know me.  However, there was and has been no escape to it.

So in 2010 after talking to Chad,we discussed it and we decided we had the financial ability to do so, I was going to try the treatments of getting it removed via laser.  This is the process where basically you are burning your skin with anywhere from 2nd to 3rd degree burns.  OUCH!  Turns out there is an amazing couple that comes to Tyler from Dallas Tattoo Removal Clinic and because of grants they are able to offer the treatments at half the normal cost.  So in May of 2010 I began my journey of personally removing my past.  The picture above is before I started my treatments and the picture here is after 3 treatments.  You can really see the difference in how much of the black ink is broken up or is even completely gone in some areas. 
 
This was my answer you see, I was now going to be able to at least rid myself of 1 thing from my past that couldn't taunt me by the sight of it everyday.  What is so amazing is that God completely wiped away my sins and my past, it clearly states this in the following scripture.

Psalm 103:11-12
For as high as the heaves are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindess toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Although, what I know I have struggled with is not that he has forgiven me and it is no more.  My mind tends to want to replay these things over and over and over.  It's like a broken record sometimes, it's almost relentless and ridiculous.  To make matters worse, I have been toting around with me for 13 years now a part of my past that is no more, but I had to look at it and answer questions about it.  It has been as painful as the day the needles originally penetrated my skin.  To this day I have had 13 excruciating treatments.  Can you imagine it equals the same amount of time that I have been carrying it on my leg.  Something else ironic was that it cost me $75.00 to get it and the cost of each treatment.....$75.00.  Geez, really could this whole process be any wilder??!!

Last week was my 13th treatment, Kara and I drove to Dallas this time to get it done by their bad to the bone machine at their office.  Here is the result and what it now looks like with current blisters of course after all the treatments.  I do not know how many more that I will have to get done in order for it to be completely gone, but I will keep trucking through. 

Let me end by sharing something with you that God has taught me through this seemingly endless process. There are lots of choices in life that we make that will create either a good effect or a bad effect.  We can not continue to go on covering up mistakes with more mistakes.  We cannot run from an inevitable outcome whether it be good or bad.  This one choice in particular that I made has created a bad effect.  Not only has it hurt me and others emotionally but to rid myself of past pain, I have to go through more pain to remove it.  If I could sit down with every teenage girl I know and openly share my story and they hear me, I mean actually hear me, I would do it everyday if I could.  If I could save just a few from some of the heartache of choices that can and will come back to taunt them, I would count it as a blessing.  I am utterly humbled that I am going through a mere amount of pain to remove something that God no longer remembers, but so that I can personally feel free of a shame that I have carried for so long.  Yet look at the pain that Jesus Christ endured so that our transgressions would be not remembered.  He teaches us these truths so that we can be set Free.  I could not imagine living a life any longer without the actual deep relationship that I now have with God The Father.  Let us no longer look to the Past, but live in obedience to God in the Present, so that we can eternally live in the Future. 

Hard Lessons Learned

The Greatest Teacher I know has taught me today.  No I'm no longer in grade school, but I'm in the school of  Life As We Know It.  You know funny thing is, he teaches when I least expect it, ever had that happen to you?  Here's mine for today....

At a moment of sadness, I thought what's better than a hot bath, a small glass of wine, a good book and a moment of solace.  Knowing that I would be in the tub for a while, I grabbed a book for a short read while soaking.  I happened to pick up Soon To Be A Major Motion Picture (New Direction for Life's Dramas) by Donna Partow.  Funny how God seems to work these kinds of things out, that I just happened to pick this book...really he's quite humorous.

When I opened it up, took a sip of wine, a piece of paper fell out that was as I presume a book marker from a previous read.  Turns out I've had this book for quite a while, seems that I had purchased it at 6:39 a.m. on 12-11-07.  I know I've read this book several times before and just thought that this evening, maybe it would be nice to skim through as I enjoyed my bath.  Apparently, he can use something way more than once to teach a hard lesson learned.  What I thought was a nice bath, was instead a time of instruction.

First page I opened up to said this:

Perspective is a powerful thing.

Colossians 3:1-2

Pursue the things over which Christ presides.  Don't shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you.  Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ--that's where the action is.  See things from his perspective.

As I continued to read along, this stood out to me as well:

Hebrews 3:1

Fix your eyes on Jesus.

She says in a following paragraph this:  What trips up most Christians is not our own sin, but our sinful response to the sin of others.  

Here's the hard, cold truth we'll be facing through out the pages of this book:  we all endure tough times.  its is inevitable.  But it's not what happens to us that determines the type of people we become; it's how we respond to what happens to us.  

And Lastly the paragraph that got me good was this one:

Significant people in your life have disappointed you...some in small ways, others profoundly so.  you didn't sign up for disappointing relationships, but they signed up for you.  Now the question remains: What will you do?  Will you live your life consumed by bitterness?  Will you be a porcupine (her definition being: A porcupine is a woman with a lot of good points , but nobody wants to be around her)?  Or will you allow God to heal the hurt?  Only you can decide

Wow, well if that wasn't hard to swallow, for Pete's sake I thought I was just going to get to take a bath, relax and sip a little wine.  WRONG!  God had something completely different in mind.  He used several things that have happened over time to teach me something very valuable.  Something that will help me to grow in my relationship with him.  First of all, I need to fix my eyes upon Jesus more and less on my own feelings.  I need to determine how I will react to things that create a feeling within me that is not of Joy.  I need to understand that in life I will be disappointed, but decide that when it does happen what will I do with it?  How will I handle myself?  Lastly will I allow God to heal my hurt that was created from it?

I choose to say Yes to the last part and what he showed me was that if I can stop and do that, he will take that hurt and heal it.  If I will seek him in those moments he will guide my actions and words.  From this point on I will have to do my very best to seek him in all these things, especially the moments of hurt for they are my hardest to overcome and only speak when he directs me;  Only act when he shows me the way.  I cannot be consumed by bitterness for if I did, there would be too great a distance with my Father.  You know it's the truth, he is the only one that will never hurt or disappoint you. 



You know as silly as it may seem I asked him how come he created feelings?  Why if we were merely his vessels he couldn't just make us like robots?

 Able to do his will, but not feel things such as a pain, couldn't we still accomplish the same things?

You know his response??!!  Without feelings, nobody would ever be able to truly experience his Love.  Even in the hardest moments, the deepest of hurt in our lives, his Love truly abounds.




I desire to walk hand in hand with my Father. Not just in the good times, but in the tough ones.  The ones where I truly need him to lead me in the way that he would have me to go.  I seek that relationship with My Heavenly Father that will exceed all.  The one where even with a simple word, scripture, book or all three at the same time can literally feel like a direct hug from him.  God Bless Friends this evening and may you continue to stay steadfast in your walks with him as well.

Freedom From A Fear

Psalm 34:4

 I sought the LORD, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears. 

This week has been quite busy for me, as we have some family coming in from out of town to visit.  Between life, schooling, lessons and getting ready, I've hardly had a moment to be able to sit down. 

I do however want to share something with you that God did in my life this week and laid this scripture upon my heart to share with you as part of my freedom.  You see God has been working a lot in my life this past year about obedience as you can see from my previous posts and it seems that with the more obedience that he gets from me, the more he asks of me.  Now this one thing I'm going to share is something that I have felt since a very young age....a calling of mine.  I knew, that I knew, that I knew I was always supposed to sing.  Have you ever just known something deep inside of you that you were just supposed to do it?  What did you do with it?  Did you squelch it because maybe you don't have the time or energy to grow in it, whatever it is?  Maybe you carry a fear around like I have for so long of what others might think if you did this certain thing.  

About 3 years ago God told me to go to someone to learn to really use the voice he gave me.  He also told me to learn the guitar, of all things this is a hard one.  First of all with small children I haven't had much time for either one.  Then about a year ago God really said to me "Do this, go really train your voice, not to please others, but to please me."  So I started the journey of looking for a teacher.  I needed someone who would teach me how to use this gift that he has given me, but  they would not ask me to violate who I am and sing songs that do not Worship My Father.  After much prayer, I received a newsletter about a program at Colonial Hills Baptist Church here in Tyler.  They were starting a music program there for the first year and it would include private voice and guitar lessons.  Hmmmmm.....really it literally was downloaded to my computer and I just knew that it was my answer.  

Now mind you I called, got the paperwork, got it all started and as I go to attend my MOPS (mother of preschoolers) meeting  that following Monday, I ran into a girl I went to school with.  As we were chatting I asked what she was doing now and she said she was starting this program there at the church.  Of course, I said with EXCITEMENT "I just signed up for Private Voice lessons as part of the program."  She said "That's cool, I'm the one that teaches it."  I swear this picture to your right here is exactly what I looked like.


 
I thought to myself, God this is not possible.  You know that I am fearful of singing in front of people, much less people I know.  Seriously, are you just yanking my chain right now, I can't do this thing now.  That's it, I'm calling to get it voided tomorrow, withdrawing my money contract is over.  



Let's just say, that was not part of my destiny to end it.  My destiny was that she was the one that was supposed to teach me and she was the one that would be present when I overcame one of my greatest fears.  On my first day of lessons back in August of last year, I walked in and she said "Why do you want to sing and do you know what you are Soprano, Alto?"  Guys seriously I was shaking like a leaf on a tree on a windy day, still looking like the deer pictured above.  I had no idea what to say, but the truth at that point.  This is my Destiny why I am here, God has asked me to come train my voice and I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to do with it, nor do I know what I am other than I know I sound good in the shower and with the radio.  Then at that moment after a brief laugh, the work began.

I have been going for several months now to this girl I know consider to be a dear friend and it's taken this long to really learn what God has been teaching me through this whole process.  You see I thought that this was just about learning the techniques of the music.  How to sing appropriately, how to go up when needed, go down when needed, when to breathe, how to breathe and so on.  Amidst all the learning and practicing at home, I lost something.  I lost the desire to "Just" sing, the one thing that I have greatly enjoyed for so many years.  Well on Tuesday, God used a moment with my friend when I started to sing the song I have been working with for just about the whole duration of my lessons now "How Great Thou Art", to change my life.  As I started to sing, my friend stopped playing her piano and said this "I don't think that you are enjoying this anymore or something is going on that is different."  My response was "You know you're right I'm too worried about technique and I keep feeling like I have to overcome my fear of singing in front of you every time I come in and my heart is just not with it right now."  I also told her that I felt like when I was at home and I was really singing, worshiping my Father it was different, it felt different, but here and now I'm worried about my technique and what she is thinking of me.  

She said to me "Why don't you just sing like you do at home for me, I will play softly and just go along with you."  When those words were spoken something triggered inside of me and at that very moment the Holy Spirit took over me and I let go.  Friends, I have never felt so free of a fear in my entire life.  The most beautiful thing took place in that room for me,  it was as if I was sitting right there with My Lord at his feet praising him, singing to him with all that I was, all that I had.  The Love and adoration I have for my Father just came pouring out of me at that moment  and it was so overwhelming, I just wept, I couldn't control myself anymore.  You see when it was all about him and not about what others thought or how they would see me at this point or whether I was really good or not, He was glorified.  When I completely and utterly gave my voice to him, it was as if nobody else was in that room anyways, it was just He and I.  I left there feeling as if He knows how much that I Love him.

When I left Tuesday I went away knowing deep within me, my purpose in getting that newsletter, signing up for those lessons, meeting with someone that I know to teach me, and struggling with learning the proper techniques.  The techniques are good, but that's not what it's really about, you see it was about my fear.  My fear alone has held me back from doing what I know he as always wanted me to do.  Use my voice to worship him, no matter if I'm in front of 1 person I know, 10 people I know or thousands of people I don't know.  So long as I'm singing to him and for him and nothing else, that is all that matters, because at that time he has the rest of what is supposed to happen.  I want to encourage you tonight to seek him, open your eyes to what he is showing you, answer to his calling, walk with him, talk with him, allow him to truly be your Dad.  He truly has so many wonderful things to teach you and wants to lead you through your Faith.  Come together with me and let's be Free!

 I want to leave you with this, that if yours is singing, even when you look like this (you know you do it, don't deny it), so long as you're singing to God it doesn't even matter. 

Chore Packs and a New Beginning

 

 

 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

⁹ And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast ^[a]about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ¹⁰ Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with ^[b]insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 

 

 

 

 

Hello, Hello.....wow, what a busy day it has been.  I hope that this day find you all doing well and being blessed.  Today I'll make it a short post, I just wanted share a minute a big change taking place in the Morrow home.  I have decided that I am not disciplined enough to do a regular chore chart, so a wonderful homeschooling mom friend shared some of this wonderful information with me.  It's called a chore pack...the kids wear it all day till their chores are complete.  In essence it removes the monkey off your back and teaches your kids responsibility.  With proper training of the chores of course, they can then take on the responsibility of knowing what to do, how to do it properly and without me going "Did you do your chores yet?"  500 times over.  Now don't get me wrong, our kids always have helped around the house and what not, but never on a continual basis.  The family who started this amazing system are the Maxwells, their ministry is called Titus 2.  So first props go to them, thanks for the wonderful book, supplies and bounds of information you have researched and provided with your book.  Here are a few of the things I took away from the program that was huge for me.

 This is all from the book, I take no credit for this information

Homemaking 101 starts with asking the Lord for direction and help, he will give us the resources we require.  He allows us to grow in organization abilities, patience, endurance and consistency. 

A Perfectionist mom will have difficulty in dealing with the chore standards she has set, for if she doesn't keep in mind the level of a child's ability, the child will never be able to please her.  This creates conflict between the both and a feeling of defeat in the child's heart.

The Perfectionist parent should learn that there is a balance in a home between a normal "lived-in" state and "everything always in its place" state. 

As we have said before, they are still children and will need years of training, coaching, reminding and consequences.  It will be a process as they grow.

CHIP is an example you should consider - cheerful, hardworking, impeccable and punctual.  You want the child to be a CHIPPer worker. 


Wow so very many things that I took away from this book.  Not just about chores, which was the main goal, but how so much of this paralleled with our relationship to the Lord.  You see as the scripture says at the top, I have so many weaknesses, but I am content with these weaknesses, because I know in the midst of them God is there guiding my every direction.  Maybe not with things to fix my weaknesses, but to help me, remove the added stresses of the thought of failure, He makes me strong in all that I do. 

There truly are so many things I can improve upon, especially with running a home.  You see I suffer from being a perfectionist parent.  I have always had a hard time in allowing my kids to do the things that I am teaching them without going behind them to make it perfect to my standard.  Ex...Kara making her bed and if it's not as straight as it could be I go behind and fix it, Chad folding a blanket and putting it away, but the blanket was not folded the way I see fit.  MISTAKE...HUGE...MISTAKE.  What am I teaching my kids and telling my husband I think of his quality of work???  That they will never measure up to my own selfish desires or expectations I have placed upon them.  No, No, No  I do not want that for my children or my spouse, so I am changing.  From this point forward, I will have to take on the mindset of teaching, not automatic correction.  This of course I will do with the kids, but the hubby on the other hand I will just have to give him a big ol' smoochie and a hug for at least taking the time to do something sweet for me that really helps out.

You know I have to think "What if God did that to me?"  If he automatically went behind me and always corrected everything that I did, what would I learn?  If I didn't have to go through the trials and tribulations in life, how could I grow?  How in the world would I grow in my relationship with him if he just always did everything for me?  Instead he has done what any parent would do.  He set forth my Destiny, he wrote the greatest Book ever to help teach me and guide me through my Destiny.  He has loved me through it all, the good, the bad, the ugly and the really ugly.  He never gave up on me, he just gently guided me back into the direction that I needed to be taking with some consequences to be be had because of my choices and with gentle instruction on the better way to do things.

So you know my approach to this whole chore thing...God's approach.  Hold their hands, guide them through it all.  The good, the bad, the ugly and the really ugly, all the while providing loving instruction and gentleness with their hearts.   That way the children that God has lovingly given to Chad and I, they will grow up and know exactly how very much Their Heavenly Father Loves them.  It all starts with Chores, what may seem so very hard to little people, that way the bigger stuff in life, may not be so tough to swallow. 

I choose to be a CHIPPer worker for God, how about you? 
        (cheerful, hardworking, impeccable and punctual)

P.S. I gotta work on the Cheerful part, when it comes to raking and blowing gumballs in the yard.....those little balls are deadly, I just know it!