Possible Ending of a Chapter

Life and Chapters.....Beginnings and Endings

When thinking of books, I always think of the beginning, how it captures me and draws me in or not, the middle where if initially drawn in will it hold me or will I be ok putting it down and moving on and then there's the end....it can either leave you feeling like "Wow, that was a great book and I would read that one again!"  or the "Eh, not so much, it was just ok and I could do without ever having to read it again." and then there's the "It should not have ended like that and then it leaves you in suspense with no answers and no real ending."

When I think of MOPS in the same way that I would think of books, these are some of the things to come to mind for me.  Let me indulge you for a bit if I may.  Mothers of Preschoolers has been somewhat of several chapters in my life.  It is like a book that I have been in, played small parts, medium sized pars and carried around for the past 6 years.  I remember the very first time I was invited to attend one of these groups, my sister-n-law had asked me to try it. Kara was just a small baby at the time and  I remember I declined, because for years I have not functioned well in large settings with multiple women.  I could not tell you why, I just never could make it work.     

Well as time passed, a friend of the family Kim Lee invited me to attend a MOPS here in town at Colonial Hills Baptist Church.  I declined on several occasions till finally she had me convinced to at least try it 1 time.  Kara was now a little over a year old and after feeling like I was wanting to pull my hair out since Chads job kept him away almost 95% of the time, I decided it might be in Kara's best interest if I gave this thing a shot.  She mentioned that there would be breakfast every morning, that we got to eat and fellowship together.  I was sold at breakfast really, as I have a horrible food addiction.

 My very first meeting, I was a nervous wreck.  One I had not been in a setting like this in years and two I had a small child in the child care part.  I remember looking up and walking into the room was a girl that knew a lot of my family at the time and I thought to myself, "Why in the world did she have to be in my group, I mean really"  Then to intensify the situation, she was even sat at the very same table as me, seriously this could not have gotten any worse.   

My beautifully amazing Mother

I remember leaving there, calling my mother and just sobbing on the telephone how I just knew this was not meant to work for me.  You would have to know that at the time, this was  a crucial point in our family.  My mom listened, I think she cried with me if I remember correctly (she felt bad that I was so upset), and then she said this "Krista what if this is meant to be, what if she was meant to be at your table because you two are meant to be friends?", she also said "Don't give up on it before you really even get started."  I can't thank her enough for that encouragement that day, because it was the only thing that kept me going back. 

Angie and I

The year turned out to be great and when about 2 1/2 months were left in the year, I  discovered that I was pregnant.  I was so excited, I remember telling this girl that I had sure enough become friends with at the time that I was pregnant.  I asked her not to tell because I wanted to share it by taking candy off the preggie tray they pass around at the end of the year.  So Angie did just as I asked and kept it hush hush.  Well it came time in May to end our year with Tea and Testimony.  I remember I was so excited that I was going to get to share my news with a group of women that I had actually become friends with.  However, as this chapter in my life began to change for great moments of joy, it quickly turned into a large chapter of sadness.  The morning of the last meeting I woke up with spotting, I called the doctor and they said to go on about my day that I was probably just getting some type of urinary tract infection and that they would see me that afternoon for a sonogram.  At this point in time I was almost 12 weeks along and feeling great.  So I told Chad that morning what was going on and he encouraged me to do the same, to go to MOPS and then just see the doctor that afternoon and call him to let him know what they said because he was out of town at work. 

Friends I made it to the meeting, I felt ok, but knew deep within me that something was not right.  So I told my friend when I got there what was going on and that I was concerned.  She encouraged me that it would probably be fine as well.  I didn't so much as start eating my breakfast that I felt very, very sick to my stomach.  I did what I could to make it through the breakfast and all the way to the preggie tray part.  As they passed it around I just felt like I shouldn't take anything from the tray, I remember my friend just looking at me very puzzled.  I told her after that it just didn't feel right to take it right now, that I wanted to wait to see what was going on.  Not moments after that I went to the restroom only to realize that I was fully miscarrying, and had horrible contraction pains in my stomach.  I remember I came out very calmly and told my friend that I had to leave to go to the hospital.  She looked so surprised and told me to call her as soon as I knew something.  Do you know that she told me later that evening when sure enough I had started to miscarry that they stopped the whole meeting for a moment to pray for me.  All these women, some at the time that didn't even know me, they prayed for me. I remember weeping for the great sadness I had over losing our child and for the simple fact that these beautiful women had thought enough of me to pray for my family.  

It was like getting to the next chapter, although I had sadness and brokenness tied to this group and place, their love kept me coming back.  The next year was absolutely wonderful, my friends relationship grew with Angie, Kara was getting to be so much fun and my spiritual life was really starting to grow.  I was in this book for sure, for however long it would keep me.  The next year was a bit tougher as I had an issue with someone who hurt me greatly over losing our baby and what they felt was God's plan for me.  It was so hard for me that year that I almost did not come back.  However, the suspense of the relationships there kept me coming back for more.  


At the end of my Third year in MOPS I learned that I was pregnant once again and this time, it was all good.  I ended up having Caden 3 months into my 4th year of MOPS.  These great women brought meals to me at home to help, they loved on my darling little boy and just served my family.  This group had become a ministry to many ladies, it was so wonderful.  I finished out the year great and went into the summer, with a new and very busy life.  

The beginning of the fifth year started out a little harder for me, I was overwhelmed with a 5 almost 6 year old, and an almost 2 year old fussy/ornery toddler.  I was still parenting a lot without Chad, because his job takes a lot of his presence.  He is such a wonderful hard worker and I am beyond so proud of him.  It's not easy for a Daddy to be away from their wife and babies you know.

This was also a time that I was in heavy conversation with God about changing me.  Using me  how he saw fit and to please transform my life and my relationships.  That year I started losing my dear friendship with Angie, although it was only for a season that we were very close I was greatly enriched in life because of the love in our friendship that we once shared so deeply. I became very alone, Very overwhelmed and felt like I was drowning in life.  What I didn't know though till close to the middle of my fifth year in MOPS was that God was doing just as I asked.  Through all that took place in that year and a half, I was brought to a point that God drew me into a very deep relationship with him.  When I had nothing else tying up my emotions and time, all I had to rely on was my conversation with him.  Our relationship blossomed like a beautiful hydrangea.

I was doing and am continuing to live as his scriptures direct me.

Jeremiah 29:13 says  "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." 
I have found him and I don't mean like I never knew of him, but I never really knew him.  What an amazing relationship it is becoming as time goes on.  To seek him and finally know him is not overshadowed by anything else anymore. 

So at the end of my fifth year and much heartache and growth that was had by me, I was certain I was at the end of this chapter in life with MOPS.  So I told my mentor mom the last meeting that I would not be returning unless it was God's Divine Plan that I come back.  I told her that if I was meant to come back that I would win getting my registration fee paid for and at that very moment, they pulled my ticket out of the raffle that was for registration dues to be paid for the next year and Blasted I won! The deal was done, God answered and I returned. 

So begins my sixth year attending this group and it's a good thing I got that ticket, it was one of the best years yet.  I have seen a lot of women come and go, shed tears with several, grew friendships and lost friendships, ate great breakfasts for sure and been blessed by many.  I am still super busy in life and just this year you know God added homeschooling to my agenda.  So although I would like to say that I am certain that this is the final Chapter in my book called MOPS, I won't say for 100% certainty that I will no longer return.   I am no longer one to say yes or no to something unless directed to do either one.  Especially now that I am living in full obedience to the Lord, because he really calls the shots.  So as I am quite possibly at the end of this chapter in my life, I will leave it as it is in suspense and just wait for time to tell the real ending.  I am excited to see how this one will continue to play out, because although there have been lots of ups and downs tied to this relatively large part of my life;  What in life doesn't have that when there is growth to be had??!!  Stay tuned for the outcome of this one in August.  Now just to make sure that we don't end this evening with any kind of sadness, let's share in a moment of laughter shall we........ENJOY!!

Kids don't try this at home.  :)

Weighing In

Hello, Hello!  How captivating is this picture above?  How many times do we step on one?  How many times do we wish that it said something that was smaller than what was blinking back at us?  What about yo-yo dieting in order to get to a point where we think the number looks good?  Who set that number in place anyways?  Is there a particular person that designed a standard that we have to live by in order to be called "Healthy"?

I can tell you friends, according to what the standards say, I should weigh no more than 120 to 125 pounds.  As of right now I am not ashamed to say that I am probably close to 20 pounds "overweight", according to their charts.  Not to mention all the cellulite I'm sure that is a big no no. What's in a number really anyways?  I have been talking to God about helping me, not with the scale,not with helping me lose weight, but show me who I'm supposed to be according to His standards alone.

If we take a few steps back and look at how weight comes in to play you can see that from the time of birth one of the very first things that they do is weigh us.  They gauge how healthy that we are by how much we weigh.  I remember being excited that my babies weighed over 7 pounds, I equated that to meaning I did a good job eating right enough to help them grow.  Isn't that one of the first things that people want to know?  How much did your baby weigh and how long was he/she?  It's like bragging rights if you will.


Then as we begin to grow and go to the doctors for a check up the first thing they do is weigh us.  As a kid it's exciting to get on that really neat thing they call their scale, most of them have a smiley face pasted to the front of it.  Then when they get off they're so pumped to hear the nurse say "Wow you're so big, you're already 45 pounds" or whatever the great number will be.  Then as moms, don't we encourage that usually with a great deal of excitement for them.  Even as we get older we get weighed as soon as we go to the doctors.  Except now with a large eye roll, we're begging to be able to take off our tennis shoes, go pee first and we make sure to wear light weight clothing.  Now I know that of course they need to know our weight in order to gauge a correct amount of dosage of medications, that is obviously going to be a given, right.  However, I could do without a mention of how much I gained or lost, the cycle just seems vicious!  If you are anything like me, you've also weighed yourself in a manner where you put more weight on the backside, hoping for a smaller number.  ;) 

So at what point does it change for us?  Where we go from being weighed to measure our growth, to weighing and placing our self worth by what the numbers on the scale read back.  Is it something that is instilled within us from the time of birth because it's something usually bragged upon.   Is it all the peer pressure as young adolescents?  Is it pressure from society?  The other night I was talking with God about how I can come to a place where I don't do that anymore. You seev I have been seeking answers to all these questions and I swear to you it was not 5 minutes after I got done praying that I felt the urge to check Facebook and a friend from high school had posted the following on her page.

“Get Off The Scale! - You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.

Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.

It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

HOLY MACKREL!!!!  He answered my prayers right then and there, with a simple yet so large of a post from an ol' time friend.  Did you notice the end there...The Truth...and Being Free.  This is huge people, what he is teaching us in life is the Truth when we seek it and a relationship with him, it will set us Free.  A Beautiful scripture that he has given to me on several occasions these past few weeks has been the following:

1 Corinthians 3:16

Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

The standard that we should all go by is that of God's.  We are a temple that the spirit of God dwells in.  We are to cherish it, take care of it, nurture it and feed it not only good food, but good spiritual food as well.  I don't believe anymore that my sense of worth comes from a number on the scale, I am being taught to believe that my worth is held in my creator.  He knew before I came into existence what that dreaded machine would read back to me and he knew that I would one day seek the Truth that would free me from the bondage of those digits.  I don't think that he said in order for me to be a Temple for him I had to weigh 125 pounds or I wouldn't qualify.  Something great he does want from us is complete obedience in all things.  If you feel something telling you to stop eating so much, not to drink of that, go for a walk today, see if you can run just a few minutes.....Do it, be obedient.  God can also be the greatest trainer out there and you want to know something wonderful about that......he's FREE!

I want to end today with re-iterating to you who choose to read this today or tonight, that you are beautiful.  That you are perfectly and wonderfully made in his image.  That deep within that outer shell you've been given for your time here lies an individual of courage, depth, sincerity and love.  You are not alone in this journey whether it be in seeking a solution for mastering the scale or trying to journey through this crazy wild thing we call life.  So put on your armor and put on your running shoes, it will be the very best race of your life.  Seek God, Seek your ultimate trainer, Seek The Truth and Be Free, the rest will come.